i hate being left of....

t was end of my shift and she have to get  back home; feeling awkward on how she feels since on that day "wapak" and i will be seeing each other due to "haha's" birthday: early morning im trying to contact wapak to find out ifbatkids are with him and at haha's crib: then the party started; i end up eating and sleeping at my bratinela's  room; i enjoy that day coz i missed them so much..

**late afternoon i decided to go home since i have to go to work; i tried to contact her so many times but she end all her phone calls; block me; and did divert calls; i ask her if she could tell e if she will be coming home to stay or else i rather drop by at her crib; she replied no she's not coming ; not knowing that she have her own plans to drink out; so pissed off i end up calling my mom back and let the kiddoz stay at my crib; it was raining that evening got no option and my mom pleaded to let my ex stay at my crib though i know for the fact that it was wrong move i just can't say NO.. but i guarantee you no skin attach.. so i went back and have them back at my crib:

 the moment i reply FINE! to her .. the struggle started:she text me almost every single question and painful words that i can't imagine: it's around 11pm that i decided to follow her: she pushes me away.. im so pissed off since all her hunch is so unpredictable.. i took a bath.. grab my things and went to her crib.. ride a cab and ride a jeepney: when i got there im not feeling well .. i have to pee... stop by the cafeteria please the sales lady that i have to pay her just to get into the wash room.. after that i walk through her house. being stared by "tambay " who are pretty drunk..then when i check my phone she's calling me . when im about to answer it got diconnected:then chabelita called me up and ask me where am i.i told her that i was in front of sinichi's  house.. then i spoke to her.. sinichi's told me to go home since she's not there. i end up crying being stared by tambay's but still i have to find her: since i love her i have to go back home.. but then i still insist to look for her.. i decided to go to work so that i have the ability to stay or rather work that night but i was not allowed to due to my clothing..it's not appropriate.. so i get back to the jeepney about to go home then she call me up again.. about to go the England but since i don't wanna go on my own i rent a PC nearby. I almost die when i saw her status from being "in a relationship" to "single". and there's a couple of girls who like it.. hate them! hahaha (*bitter much*) then she called-up and i told her that she have to be here or else i won't drop by England: she refused stated that i rather go home, and it's unhealthy ; i tried to go to where she at still been rejected: so i walk-walk-walk-walk until i reached the mall nearby..talking and crying over the phone: been messed up ; looks like a beggar:.it seems that my eyes are shuttered..every person i met stares at me like i was a crazy bitch.. so pissed off don't know what to do .. it's almost 6 am when i got home .. so confused where to stand though it's too painful but i have to chose what i have decided to kept since i know that the people i already have will not go anywhere.. so i sent them home.. they went home and left alone so stupid for what i've done..
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it's almost lunch time still i haven't eaten any single thing; stomachache, heartache ,my eyes hurts and my feet hurts .. then my crazy mind is running from nowhere thinking on how to catch her up.. then i remember that i have a TOLL-FREE No. of the person who owns the house not knowing that she will spill it out where are they located: then their i came at the place where SCHOOL,HOSPITAL and SUBDIVISION are in.. waiting till she call's me up.. she told me to go home but i told her yes i'll be leaving however i didnt.. i stayed until 7pm knowing she will be out by that time but since im so tired no money left and i almost saw every single student at that University .. so i went home.. so tired not knowing where im going to.. then when i hit the GAY PLACE .. the driver told me if im alright and her wife accompany me until they drop me off .. then i ride another public transpo.. so sleepy head.. then the driver told me im in my destination .. seems im drunk but im not.. i was wet due to the rain.. got bad hair day and so pissed off on what i have heard from her.. all the foul words that i can't imagine that she will tell me.. then that evening being home alone.. im reading my dirty book that i made..  i received a message from sinichi's..." "Gen, mahal na mahal na mahal kita.. Wla lng, Gs2 kO lng mlman mO.. im sOrry kng nsaktan kta.. Mgphnga kn ha.."1:30:39 am 01/02/2011 which is our Fourth Month together.. im crying for the reason that i knew sinichi still love me that much that i don't know how to face sinichi on that day..

*****
being in the Office . im floating in heaven.. im out of my mind.. everyone is asking me if im OK though i know that im not.. then when i got the chance to face sinichi.. my heart goes shalalalala.. hahahaha no seriously im too damn nervous and don't know what to do..since sinichi told me that he don't want to see me crying and i should be controlling myself.. where in fact i really can't.. i end up seating beside sinichi.. then ran to the bathroom .. crying in the cubicle then head back to work.. place my hood and tried to control myself then it burst out.. im working while crying.. then this sarcastic words i heard from sinichi.. TAyo na nga uli e.. nakakaawa ka naman.. i don't know what to say .. should i be happy or what..then i log-out so many times. im so damn sick due to no foof for almost 3 days.. i end up in the clinic .. i took my medicine... then did our first break... FInally.. i hug sasuke so tight that i don't wanna lose her.. i really don't know what  to do.. so damn hurt . happy.. hurt, frustrated, upset.. crazy and now what.. celebrating the day that we still end up in each other's arms.. i really really don't know how to explained the feeling i have if i will lose her again.. i love her so much..
**if ever your in my arms again this time i love you much better***

meeting harley till christmas

i met this person at work: she/he was so cute: i almost thought that she is the same person that i left on the other room: i also take a sup call for her/him; that sup call cb: she/he's cute that's why i make "papansin" then i end up lliking her/him: when my friend introduced me to her/him =)
Jepoy: Sya si Lee At ikaw naman si BOg ? wahahhaa Gen: So malibog?!! hahahaJepoy: OO
*** then one time while im assisting someone she/he raised her/his hand for a support; at the same time there is an agent who raised her hand first hahahaha; but i insist to assist her rather than the other agent:so i can have time to take a closer look on her:i drop by the whole shift at their bay and tried to massage her;then she said:" Boss wag po?" hahaha in a teasy manner:
(forgive me if my grammar are not correct; care ko! hahaha d nmn aq teacher:) anyway she's a teacher: a licensed teacher: im so proud of her. though she (ayan na nga she na and hirap mag she at him e) is a butch;dykes;lesbian or a member of a 3rd party provider hahaha.. i fell in love with her:
before the shift ends she ask me if i can join her group to have a beer huddle: hahaha: she is so kulit making "papansin" in leyte and never stop asking if i will really join her or not: then i said "YES" *(kasi nga i wanna know her) :
after meeting my wave 15 at leyte i end up going with my old team mate at e-com 711: then AIRA gave me a SAN MIG.Light which i really dont want at all; btw i only drink VODKA cruiser at that time: so it end up to be the drink of JEPOY(: kala mu ha hahaha) then Argee Pe who is on the other table let me drink this comparible (hahhaha) Tanduay Ice that get me tipsy: (d naman kasi ako tomadera kaya konting alcohol lang LASHENG na AKOH).. then being pakipot at the same time maharot: i end up being beside her: roaming my finger on her legs ( walang malisya ha.) and lying on her shoulder: then POLITE take our first picture together.
now
weeks past and another trial came into our relationship; im talking to her on the phone and that night her phone was confiscateed by this Security guard : she end up getting her phone at the end of her shift; not knowing that this lil' bitch is texting her stating that she have nowhere else to go; so here's the thing this baby of mine acknowledge that she can stay with her and will pick her up in front of our office building; (what the heLL**questions in my mind; Don't u have any other friend that u can visit to?**why her ; though u know for the fact that she can't say NO to u; you're just taking advantage of her? coz you know for the fact that she loved you?) then that time came that morning when LEI , CHRIS and TIM are with me: my harley is picking up that girl hahahaha she is picking her up!! u know what i mean hahahaha: then on that day is so awkward:lee wants me to sit beside her but i insist not to and transfer it front of them: they seem so busy ; ("parang miss na miss nila ang isa't isa" sobrang SELOS aminado nmn aq noh d nmn aq improkita). then i can't take it anymore since they seem to be happy i leave them alone" without her (lee) stopping me; lecheng babae ito ; hahahaha.. then the worst part of it lee went home with her (kasi kailangan ihatid ang pinick-up d yata marunong umuwi), have been trying to call the baby of mine but that bit** answer the phone: and ooh i know who POST that message on her fb that "Im HAPPY WITHOUT YOU!!) well , well ,well i told you nasa akin ang huling halakhak. wahahahahaha (**EVIL LAUGH***); confusions: confessions and all after that week. my freaking "pasrtner" has been trying to pacify me since he knows that im hurt, at least i still got my kids to cheer me up; love u kiddoz!
we have a roller coaster ride week for us having lot's of conflicts due to the situation i have: it's been almost our 2nd month in a relationship about to lose the hope of being together.. then my team graduated to their NESTING. we end up celebrating at LUCAS's crib.. i never meant to have that day to be a ridiculous crying day; i confessed yes something happened with whom i wont blurtit out but that day turns to be the end day: she broke up with me: she's been hurt and stating that i lied to her but i didn't ; THERE ARE THINGS IN LIFE THAT WE DONT NEED TO TELL IT'S JUST WE DON'T WANT TO HURT THE ONE WE LOVE: BUT STILL END-UP HURTING THEM; WHY? BECAUSE THEY PROVOKE YOU TO KNOW YOUR PERSONAL THOUGHTS;SECRET..and after getting the details..end up being hurt ..
we;ve been on a floating status (parang na-dissolved na acct lang ha) for a couple of days: then she promised me that once we've fixed that situation "hinding -hindi na tayo maghihiwalay" which we really did:***we're running for our 3rd month relationship; and im off the hook with my so called" hubby" (sorry bheb but that's how life goes by ;OK!) i end up choosing her over my hubby: i know i can't let other's understand why i decide for it but i just want everybody to know who will be reading this that i never give up my kiddoz. i love them./ i rather be off the hook from my partner rather than having a war everyday in front of my kiddoz; it's not being selfish; im tired of having the same format of life with my partner ; ive been working all my life ; im working for debts;for rents and for him which is not a practical thing to do; now we're off now: anyway going back to the baby of mine****we've been planning where to celebrate our first christmas; i informed her that i want to go to Tagaytay but the rates is too high due to HOLIDAY SEASON: then she is making "kulit" at the office i got shift on that day: i end up playing W *we celebrate our first EVER CHRISTMAS at ISLAND COVE; though it's not that far i enjoy the ambiance:it's not that "sobrang ganda" but getting out of the city is sobrang nakaka-unwind.. aun na nga . this how the story goes... i talked to her around 4pm in the afternoon since it's Christmas i have to spend my time with my kiddoz : she promised me that we will meet by 5:00 pm or 6pm : but what the hell; she keeps on saying that she's still fixing her stuff and i end up staying in Netopia in Mall of Asia ; wherein lots of family/s are roaming around this mall; i've been trying to reached teh receptioninst of Island Cove but due to many user's my Super25 Unlimited Calling of Globelines is not working and it's around 8:30 pm when she arrived: so pissed of since we can't find each other:then we saw each other in front of hypermart; since it's my first time to go there without a car we end up taking a road from MOA to Baclaran waiting for so many bus going to Cavite City: we end up standing until we reached Cloveland Rd.when we get there so tired and end up sleeping; we've been watching scary moviez in this local cable channedl: the next morning we took our breakfast eating evry thing that's being offered: after eating we try to look for something that will eat our time: we stayed in Souvenir Boutique can't decide walk around and end up in the "BIG CHESS" she keeps on fixing the CHESS BOARD ; took a picture of her; (kasi nabibigatan xa,hahahaha) then after staying ;we walk around and end up;in "RENT A BIKE" but we don't enjoy it why because she don't know how to ride a bicycle: ( inangkas ko lang sya;hahaha ..sobrang baliktad) then we returned the bicycle to manong : then we walk around get back to our room : rest and since our time is almost up:she told me to fixed myself but i have the urge to swim... the swimming pool is in front of the terrace so i end up doing-OBER-THE -BAKOD..i took my shirt and short off and boom! nakapagswimming din aq.hahaha tpos umahon na aq . then i walk to our room na basang-basa hahaha; end up inside the bath tub: then after i took a bath it's her turn then we check-out; going back to souvenir boutique and can't decide walk through the zoo boutique ; can't find any then goes back to souvenir boutique ; purchased the pillow and get back to the hotel to have a ride back to the gate of Island Cove.. ride a bus going back to MOA; eat at ribs..yum-yum and went back home.. so tired but happy...
***haay back to work n2man ***taking calls ..

**********************:***********************we've been planning where to stay this New YEar's Eve since we've enjoyed the Christmas escapade: but since are pockets are tight we end up staying in PADIS POINT at the back of Mall Of Asia : Baywalk : we've been walking from our office to nowhere and this GMA 7 is doing their countdown at MOA. when the clock strikes at 12am: we're inside the Padis Point running outside to catch the 15-20mins.. fireworks: i can see how amazed she was like a kid having a balloon ; you can tell it in her eyes:after having a stiff neck(harharhar) we get back to our table; drink up and sings the we will rock you song but in a different lyrics.. hahahaha..and the good thing about this is there are foreigners dancing on stage:then after New Year's eve we end up staying at my crib : we drink till we get to sleeep:
***January*2011******for this January mo. baby of mine is getting more serious and more "metikulosa" (tama ba ung terminology koh).. cellphone check; schedule check; bawal ma-late.. and u know what the best thing i learn from her .... the thing that i hate the most that no one ever make "tiyaga" of teaching me is to do the "KITCHEN THINGY" - ***COOKING*** doing the market chore's is so "matrabaho" i have a lame excuse: (kakainin nalang ang dami pang gagagwin; haayks) my first thingy that i cook for her is Fried chicken: how i did it i don't know; i got 3 fried chicken with no skins at all: (kasi naman dumikit sa pritohan )thanks to my MOM for sending me an SMS onhow to do it: love u Mi!!! and the other 3 are with skins. hahaha; we end up bringing theother 3 with skins as our baon:the next day we cook Sayote shrimp yum -yum : and some Hinalabos na Hipon; still baon ulit sa office and lastly is the Tinola..ooh btw i cook spam for her but she's not around and it's my first time na makipagfencing sa kalan: wahahaha.. thanks to ate kasi nagkaulam ako...***mid-january***im getting this unpredictable feeling about a certain past of her's that i can't explain..she always end up stating a story about her in every story that she had. but what's good about us when we are dealing with our past we "Knock on each other's door,"excuse lang ha" then spill out the name : even me i do that. but one day i get so irate upon looking at their previous page they had; all those nightmares ; every album is a piece of sh** for me ; i know past is past but it's like a ghost that scares me the most.. HAVING A COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR EX' (lalo na kung magbebentahan lang kayo at gnun ka-lame ang excuse nio) IT'S NOT HEALTHY (for me lang nmn) IT'S A CERTAIN WAY OF BRINGING UP YOUR PAST.. and for those who have left their loved one's just for the wrong decision here's my point..BAKIT NGAYON KAPA MAGHAHABOL AT NAKIT NGAYON MO LANG GAGAWIN ANG BAGAY NA DAPAT NUON MO PA DAPAT GINAWA.,..GAGAWIN MO SYA KUNG KELAN HULI NA...AT WAG NA WAG MO IDADAHILAN SA AKIN NA NAGULUHAN KALANG NG MGA PANAHON NA IYON... BOW!! hahahah wala lang .. and aun nga..then lee told me na dapat wag ako magselos for i should fear the one who is coming.. well i told her.. you shouldn't be engage to someone if you're not happy with me anymore... and you won't let that new one or someone GET INTO our relationship if you love me.. well simple as this.. I WILL CHOOSE A PERSON WHO WILL LOVE ME AND STAY WITH ME FOR NOT RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP JUST BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE...AND I WON"T STAY ON A RELATIONSHIP IF I WILL MAKE MY LIFE MISERABLE.. so for those who have her before and wants to win her back.. MAMATAY KAYO SA INGGIT !!! hahaha minahal nya kayo nuon maglaway kayo ngayon.. hahaha .. but seriously .. i just can't explain why i fell inlove in the same sex..maybe because i was a butch before i started to be one and end up on the same one.. forgive me for loving her.. i know my family can't explain and understand why im doing it ; why i choose it and why im holding from it.. but i do thank you emz for understanding my situation though i know ur hurting.. thanks for you.. oo ikaw... thanks for reading this and to Ms. Nellielyn Gallarde Talens.. lovekitamuch!